Siliconchef by Brian Richardson

There are a lot of TV personalities that seem warm, fuzzy and approachable. You totally want to be on their show. Heck, these are the type of people that you might want to invite over for dinner. Alton Brown in my kitchen … awesome idea. Bryan Williams asking me to pass the gravy … fantastic. Conan O’Brien looking for extra hair gel in your guest bathroom … odd, but entirely acceptable.

However, many media personalities are people you never want to meet … especially on their TV turf. These are the type of people who only appear on your doorstep if you’re accused of a crime, standing in a war zone or about to be swept into the ocean. If you end up on their show you are screwed.

Totally. Royally. Screwed.

Based on a conversation with my friends, here are my top five TV personalities you never want to meet.

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Ever since one man decided he hates the US more than he loves his crotch, I’ve been sitting back and waiting for the stupidity of security theater to kick in as the TSA & DHS put more misguided policies in place to look busy while still missing the point about airline security.

The Dutch, up until today, said little. When they did speak today, they actually talked about doing something useful.

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I know it’s almost impossible to have a rational conversation about climate change these days, but it’s getting pretty silly when a naturally occurring gas that is required for human life is declared a hazardous substance by the EPA.

Before people start the cycle of bombing me with comments claiming I’m some “insane climate change denouncer” or “tool of the socialist agenda to control our economy through global warming” you must understand one thing … I think both “sides” in today’s climate change debates are pretty much full of compost ready animal waste product.

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[Edit: it seems after this item made national news, the school board eliminated the fundraiser. The link to the news story reflects this change]

It seems the school systems have taken a lesson from the airlines, allowing customers to pay a fee for a service that used to be part of the standard deal.

Of course, it’s not just any school … it’s the school I went to as a kid (Rosewood Middle School in Rosewood, NC). And it’s not just any service … it’s the ability to buy gradepoints.

If you hear a small boom today, it’s my mother’s head exploding after reading this article …

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We, as a nation, seem to be losing our collective minds over swine flu … and it’s driving me batty. A politician never lets a good crisis go to waste, and pigfluenza (H1N1) is no exception.

Pigfluenza is the new terrorism. I expect us to be waterboarding swine in tasty sauces. I like honey glazed artificial panics, thank you very much.

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There’s a lot of tea going around today … people with their mini “tea party” protests. It’s good that people are getting tired of the way government continues to grow, slowly weaving its way into parts of their lives that it probably shouldn’t be in. I just hope today’s public demonstrations actually get people thinking about how to really fix government.

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PROTIP: If you’re going to try and take someone’s money via a postal solicitation, try to make sure the proposal doesn’t look like a joke. Exhibit A: Cambridge Who’s Who.

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