The Truck That Ate My Driveway

Ford F250 Crew Cab

Ladies and gentlemen, this post is not about airline travel (you’re welcome). This post is about automotive entropy, financial obligations and the American economy.

Yes, I finally bought a new truck. And it’s big …

Ford F250 Crew Cab

Yeah, I own this

I present to you the 2011 Ford F250 Crew Cab with a 6.7L Turbo Diesel engine and 6-speed automatic transmission. This is a new truck, as in “we didn’t sell this in 2010 or 2011 so we’ll make you a deal to sell it in 2012” new. I managed to pick up a new financial obligation before most of the East Coast had decided where to go for lunch.

Yes, I am stimulating the economy. Can you feel that, economy? Yeah, you like that, don’t you? Oh you’re a dirty little financial system. You’ll let anyone put money into you. Do you like what I’m doing with my invisible hand …

Wait, where was I? Oh right, I bought a truck.

I did have to move quickly to get this truck before someone else discovered the discounts, but this was far from an impulse buy. Our previous farm truck, the 1994 Chevy 1500, has a bad case of automotive entropy. This is the truck that eats alternators, shifts at very high RPMs and has an electrical system with ADHD (somedays we work, somedays we get no wipers). This is also the truck that left us stranded twice in a week, almost qualifying me for frequent flyer status with AAA.

Suzan and I planned to buy a truck like this for months: large engine, good towing capacity, room enough for friends gullible enough to help us with farm projects. We did research, saved money for a down payment, checked internet prices … however, we didn’t think about where to park the damn thing.

Our garage has been host to two smaller cars the past few years. This allows us to keep a ton of junk in the garage and still have the ability to park. I now expect to spend Sunday cleaning out the garage in the hopes I can park the beast under cover when it’s not menacing the roads of Walton County. It may be a farm truck, but it’s also the most expensive thing I own that isn’t a house. No point in making payments on something my rooster may decide to call home.

To my friends who own electric cars & hybrids: I respect your choices for the environment. I admire your ability to buy a car that fits the urban lifestyle and can be parked without satellite guidance. I promise not to park on top of you when visiting your house.

7 comments

  1. Marlies says:

    No worries. We will park the Insight in the bed of the truck.

    Quite honestly, I covet your truck. I blame watching the Transformers movies. Ironside (a GMC Topkick) is a badass truck. It would make a good zombie stomper.

  2. Asai says:

    Forget zip code, that gives new meaning to Ford country. Got a name for it?

  3. Asai says:

    Here’s one: “Have you got flag?”

  4. Teresa says:

    Ah…you will now be the most popular person in your social circle. “Hey, Brian, can you help us move furniture/compost/livestock/dead hookers, etc.?”

    Congratulations on your new acquisition! And as for the economy…may it love you long time.

  5. siliconchef says:

    Teresa: anybody who needs help moving can buy my old truck at a very reasonable price 🙂

  6. siliconchef says:

    Asai: that is not the largest truck Ford makes, not by a long shot. So if it’s country, it’s a small one in Europe that Americans can never find.

  7. Bill Ruhsam says:

    Teresa: everyone knows you only need compact car and an axe to move dead hookers around.

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