Siliconchef by Brian Richardson
As I await the next flight to RDU, having missed the original flight due to traffic, allow me to share some helpful travel tips:
1. When the pilot says “light chop”, he means turbulence. When he says “some turbulence” or “rough air”, he means heavy turbulence. When he says “heavy turbulence”, he means you’re on a theme park ride based on the hit TV show “Lost”.
2. When driving to tha airport in light rain, one would expect the Georgia DOT information signs to explain why traffic on a five-lane interstate is going 16.9 MPH. Instead, the sign will read something like “INTERMITTENT SHOWERS … USE WIPERS”. Don’t ask why, just smile and listen to the radio.
3. When at the airport, one would expect a TSA line for “special screening” to be labeled as such, or have some sort of policy to escort passengers who might need additional screening so they don’t sneak into one of the regular “less secure” lines. This is not the case. Do not confuse this unmarked “special line” with the shortest security line if you are in a hurry to catch a flight.
4. If you end up in the “special screening” line (even if you’re not supposed to be there), do not be surprised if the line looks less like “America’s Most Wanted” and more like a line for the elderly and disabled.
5. When stuck in an airport for 90 extra minutes, you may wish to read a magazine. If headlines like “Angelina Looks Pregnant” or “The Ego Stroke That Helps You Keep Your Man” look appealing, slap the s**t out of your self and a buy a copy of “The Fair Tax Book” or “Andrew Jackson”.
6. For those of you who just slapped youself, Andrew Jackson is not the center fielder for the Atlanta Braves.
