Siliconchef by Brian Richardson
It’s 6:15pm in Dulles and I’m in the security line. Of course, everybody else is in the security line … and everybody has a flight to catch.
You know this has to end badly for somebody.
Imran and I depart for Atlanta at 8:00pm, so we have time. The mother & her two daughters that have been pulled aside for ‘secondary screening’ are trying to make a 6:45 international flight … they’re probably in trouble.
“So,” Imran says, “you got the free upgrade to business class?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘free’, considering somebody had to pay for all the previous flights so I earn the miles. I prefer to think of it as ‘complimentary’.”
Our line is now on hold until the three people in front of us can be cleared from ‘secondary screening’ line. Imran and I are letting a few of the folks bound for Newark jump in front of (a futile attempt on our part, since they’ll probably miss the flight, but we have time). We also have time to chat, make jokes, and pass plastic bins to the folks behind us.
I’m not quite naked, but I have removed all of the business attire that causes metal detectors to beep and chirp … belt with metal buckle, shoes with metal bracing in the soles, all the things I avoid wearing on long trips but can’t avoid when I’m on a daytrip. My long trips involve comfy shoes, cheap belt with plastic buckle and a change of clothes.
At the end of the x-ray line, a TSA agent who looks an awful lot like Howard Stern holds up my computer bag.
“That’s mine,” I shout, collecting my belt and shoes from the conveyor belt.
“I need to run an additional check on this. Do you want to stay with it as I search it.”
“Well,” I say with a smile, “I used to work for the government, so I know much you guys get paid. I’d better come along.”
He laughed. “Man, that’s cold.”
A few minutes, Imran and I are walking to the gate. 6:45 … there is no way we would have made the 7:00pm flight to Atlanta. We step aside every few minutes to let hurried passengers sprint to Terminal B.
At least we have time for a quick dinner before the flight leaves. I plan to take a nap in my upgrade-provided business class chair, trying to make up for leaving the house at 6:00am for a one-day business trip.
Frankly, a half hour in line is not bad at all. I always allow an hour at least.
Sean and I are planning on allowing an hour in the security line when we fly back East on the 23rd. I’m optimistic it won’t take that long, but this is our compromise.
Joyce: unlike Atlanta, where hundreds of people stand in line for 30 minutes, my wait was in a line of FIFTEEN people.