Siliconchef by Brian Richardson
August 4, 2003, 3:50PM
Have you ever seen A Clockwork Orange? Remember the scene where the protagonist is forced to watch acts of ultra-violence with his eyelids forced open … movies on airlines are a lot like that.
United Airlines decided to run Anger Management as their “in-flight entertainment”. I fail to find the movie entertaining, due to it’s total lack of coherence or believability. Plus it’s painful to watch Jack Nicholson go downhill like a sumo wrestler on a black diamond ski slope.
Anyway, this movie is now being shown across the Airbus A320 on a myriad of tiny pop-up screens. Every time I look up from my computer it’s like that Far Side “The last thing a fly sees” cartoon … it’s like an Adam Sandler kaleidoscope.
I have found that watching a movie without the sound is a good way to rate a film. If the film looks stupid without the sound, it probably is dumber than it looks. If a film is compelling without the sound, it probably is better than it looks. I can see the eventual conclusion of Anger Management ten minutes into the film.
Adam will be quiet, then Adam will meet Jack … Adam will get angry, Adam will be Adam, Adam will smash … smash, Adam, smash … hilarity will supposedly ensue, credits will run.
My only escape from this video torture it to sleep or keep my head tilted down at a chiropractor-unapproved angle. I’m not tired and my exit-row seat with the extra legroom isn’t that comfy, so option one is out. I always listen to my chiropractor, mostly because he’s an over-educated martial arts nut who writes his own kids books and always has an entertaining story about his times as a backing musician for the likes of Fleetwood Mac … so option two is out the window.
Time for Brian to invoke his right to create options out of thin air. Option three: make fun of his surroundings through his website. But first I need to get that nice German man in the lab coat to give me some more eye drops. All this video torture is making my eyes red.
