New Orleans: Kids Under 15 Drink Free

I had an interesting time in New Orleans last week. WinHEC, the Microsoft Windows Hardware Engineering Conference, was somewhat interesting. From a professional standpoint, it was a good way to make contact with Microsoft employees and see what’s going in with their future products. From a geek standpoint, it’s entertaining to watch them explain a technology without actually explaining the details of how said technology works.

But New Orleans isn’t all about computer security initiatives and graphical user interfaces … it’s about getting drunk in a humid town with centuries of Cajun culture and French ambiance, along side tourist-trap storefronts selling lude t-shirts.

Being in New Orleans gave me a chance to catch up with my friend Jessica (a.k.a. Starlady). We didn’t exactly light the town on fire, but we roamed the French Quarter and eventually stopped by Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville.

I do have some video of our adventures in the French Quarter. I have to edit it and create an adult-rating system to match it’s content (I’m thinking of something like VF-17 … Video Fu recommended for those 17 and older). More on that when I get a chance to interface video camera with shiny desktop computer.

Margaritaville offers a variety of musical acts. Jessica’s companions came here to see {{link http://www.mikewest.net/ Mike West}}, a bluegrass banjo player. They had been raving about him all day. After suffering through a mediocre cover artist (Dear Lord, why did that drunk woman request “American Pie”), we finally got to experience Mike’s entertaining and intelligent redneck sensibilities.

Mike & Sneaky Pete (the guitar player) set out two empty boots and an empty beer pitcher, the traditional container for musician’s tips.

“Everything y’all put in the boot on the right goes towards me,” he says. “Everything y’all put in the boot on the left goes to Pete.”

“God bless you,” Pete says, tipping his hat to the audience.

Mike continues the speech. “Everything that goes in the pitcher goes to charity. This week’s charity is Pete’s mom. She’s the nicest 75 year old felon you’ll ever meet. She’s still a crack shot with a .38, but that doesn’t get you any credit in a court of law.”

Mike & Pete go into their set, mostly originals. As Mike puts it, they sing about four subjects … household appliances, dogs, neighbors and love.

“Time for a song about love,” Mike says, “love and pharmaceuticals.”

The songs range from a man complaining that his wife has purchased a clothes dryer ({{link http://www.mikewest.net/songs/new_south/clothes_dryer.html ain’t we got a line … ain’t we got a yard full of sunshine}}) to vengeful breakups (I’m gonna steal your stuff and bring it back just so you know I did it). My favorite song of the evening is one of Mike’s covers. Mike’s introduction emphasizes the fact he did not write the lyrics.

“This is the scariest redneck song in the world. It was written by an Italian from Boston. The lesson is that you’re not safe wherever you go.”

I spent too much time laughing during the song, but Jessica managed to write down the song’s chorus …

I had to pawn the gun to buy the bullets
Had to sell the bullets to buy the gun
One day I’ll get them both together
Then everybody better run

One of Jessica’s friends picked up Mike’s CD … free with the purchase of a $15 dollar bumper sticker ({{link http://www.mikewest.net/squirrel/store.html Squirrel: it’s not just for breakfast anymore}}). The album cover spells out “{{link http://www.mikewest.net/images/cds/newsouth.jpg New South}}” using hundreds of cockroaches. The liner notes reassure the listener that several hundred cockroaches were killed, maimed and tortured in the making of this album.

Mike West is a very seasoned New Orleans performer, as demonstrated by his between-song banter.

“Welcome to New Orleans … kids under 15 drink free tonight. We’re just soldiers in the war against sobriety. Somewhere in America, a child will go to bed tonight sober. Not in Louisiana …”